Desi Today Magazine
The truth about Indian relationships
By Amrita Lit
I’ve been in a relationship ever since chingy was the number one artist in the world of Hip Hop and R&B. My significant other and I skipped school together, grew our own identities – yet managed to remain close, and formed a roller coaster of a life including a hoot of a three-year marriage and a rambunctious little one year old.
Every now and then I come across someone who tells me how so very lucky I am to have a husband. As if it’s a rare jackpot of a scenario to find and marry someone you can actually stand (for the most part). When I ask these subtly glum individuals if they’re seeing anyone or getting married soon (since they’re typically my peers or slightly younger) – they simply respond that “there’s no good (guys or girls) left out there.”
I usually can’t comprehend exactly what this means. “Good” meaning they do their own dishes and mind their p’s and q’s? Or good as in meet their checklist of standards for their dream significant other? Then I’m usually forced to listen to their horror stories of past relationship failures and cringe worthy stories of the dating world (aka club scene) in Vancouver.
I just can’t help but wonder, where have all the good girls and guys gone to hideaway?
If there’s a seemingly equal amount of guys and girls on the prowl, who are all looking to settle down with smart, attractive, and successful individuals, then why can’t they seem to simply make their way to one another?
Here’s my theory…(and you all knew there had to be one). The reason more and more individuals are delaying marriage, and an increased amount of engagements and relationships are being called off, is because people have built up an unrealistic ideal of what it means to be in a relationship. We grow up watching television programs and movies which depict relationships amongst people of a complete different background and upbringing than us.
Not to mention the fact that in current day, social media makes it appear like those of us married with kids or simply in a relationship are absolutely perfectly happy on and off the screen. Here’s the cold hard truth though, ain’t nobody pulling out chairs for us and showering us with bouquets unexpected flowers. Just sit there and smile as you sip your Mc Donald’s coke on “date night.” That’s about as much wining and dining you’re going to get honey.
Our men (the Indo-Canadian ones) simply haven’t been raised in the manner to be these respectful chivalrous gentlemen which we have so pine-fully dreamt of our entire adolescent years. This ideal image we have created of what our perfect mate should be like is much too unattainable for the simple fact that – they don’t exist.
Now I like to keep things fairly unbiased and impartial so I don’t want to seem like I’m bashing all apnay (Indian) men here. I’ve heard plenty of guys complain about the fact there aren’t any “good” girls out there either. Well to you all I’ve got to say – where are ya’ll looking? Because if it’s in the lineup to the ever popular local nightclub Caprice (is that still a club?), then you best get your butt enrolled in a post-secondary institute of some sort and begin your hunt for a good wife there.
Book smarts tend to equal a well rounded individual – for the most part. So shape up your expectations and start looking in the right places. What you surround yourself with, and how you behave, is what you will attract.
Be the man you’d want your sister to be with, and be the woman you’d expect your daughter to be – and maybe, just maybe, you’ll come across that special someone, get married, and then bitch about the fact they’re nothing, nothing at all like Ryan Gosling or even Prince Adam from the little mermaid for that matter.
Perhaps I’m being overly pessimistic. Maybe those holding out for “the one” do have the right idea. But if you’re finding yourself time and time again always a bridesmaid never a bride, it might be time to accept that there’s only one way to get married – by lowering your standards and expectations and just settling for a secure and comfortable life.
